I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
