That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's never too late to be topless.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
