fuck your aforementioned shoe
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
