He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
