Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
