Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
