So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just had sex on a roof
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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