I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
