ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
