He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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