Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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