did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm going to jail i love you
from now on my penis is your penis
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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