you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
