I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
