R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
