i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
