You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
