Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
