The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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