i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
