thus making me awesome and them whores
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
