I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
