tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
