history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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