I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
