When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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