if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
