call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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