Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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