just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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