True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
