Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
