This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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