So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
