if i can run in heels then i can drive
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
