I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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