my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
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Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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