i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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