i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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