i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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