I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
