Jerry, you need to find god
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
