Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
