i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
