ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
