the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
