New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
