I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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