I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
