At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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