I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Liz is crying about burritos again.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
