The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
