No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
