You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
