i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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