She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
