I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
