You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
