Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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